...for a different kind of girl

silent surburban girl releasing her voice, not yet knowing what all she wants to say about her life and the things that make it spin. do you have to be 18 to be here? you'll know when i know.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

fadkog bo bog, banana fana fo fog, fee fie mo mog

it has come to my attention - literally about an hour after i started writing under the guise of "...for a different kind of girl" last fall - that i need a new moniker for my "blogging persona."

apparently, some of you have found it necessary to pack a hearty lunch, conduct a prayer service and then take a refreshing nap after typing out "for a different kind of girl" in response to my thought provoking and world changing views in your comment sections.

honestly? i don't blame you. naps are good. i wish i was taking one right now.

but i'm not. nope. because i'm here to entertain you. to charm you. to incite chaos in the streets after again referencing my kick ass rack (oh, one day my lovelies. one day...).

lately it seems this call to arms has sprung up around my blog circle with greater urgency. some of you know my given name, which, yeah! that's great and i'm fine with it because i probably handed it to you, but there's a part of me that doesn't want it on here. why? i'll tell you why. my basement is small, thus leaving me only a tiny space within which to bury the bodies of those who betray my confidence while still allowing my children to play matchbox cars. should my given name slip, you'd only have a tiny window of opportunity to try and escape me.

but you'd always be looking behind you. trust me. you can well imagine the first thing you'd see.

exactly. the kick ass rack. heh. listen to you, all cocky now, saying it would be worth it. that touch of bravado is the perfect time for me to make my move.

but back to the point. apparently it's time for me to have a nickname. i don't know who the first to use 'fadkog' was, but i give you credit for cutting to the chase. i thought i could get used to that, but i have to say, at this point, it sounds a bit like a disease.

"i'm sorry to have to tell you this, bob, but you have a raging case of fadkog. while we don't know all the ramifications yet, what we do know is that you can expect to grow a tremendously wonderful pair of breasts and think everything is kick ass."

so, because i'm lacking a bit in the creativity department lately (i think i'm coming down with a nasty case of fadkog, to be honest), i'm tossing the possibility of renaming me - not my blog - out to you. because you all charm and delight me.

however, there will be rules. without rules, there will be anarchy and i don't want to have to send anyone to their room. so my good imaginary friend tyler durden would like you to know the following: "hey, you created me. i didn't create some loser alter-ego to make myself feel better. take some responsibility!"

this essentially means no reference to my given name, should you possess that knowledge, should be used. and, um....well....that's about it. wait! be clever. consider what you've ascertained about me over these last few months and play with that.

oh, and i think i am allowing myself right of first refusal. a disclaimer that i may or may not opt to use what gets put out there. or, depending how many clever ideas i get (here's hoping this isn't a bust), i'll put it to a vote should i be unable to decide.

to get you started, here are some nicknames i've been given, either to me by someone else or by me, because do that sometimes. like when i'm dancing in the living room or the mini and i'm pretending i'm working for tips, if you catch what i'm saying:
  • swik - short for 'she who is kick ass' given to me by the wonderful satan shortly after i started blogging and got sucked into ftn's real world blogger house. i sometimes use this in my 'real life,' despite the fact people then tend to look at me funny.
  • mrs. hewson - for obvious reasons, this is what i refer to myself as when bono and i spend a saturday afternoon watching the kids play at the park after enjoying mcdonald's happy meals and counting our millions and millions of dollars.
  • supremely ultimate kickass creature - you see the obvious problem with this, of course.
  • mistress of good, avenger of evil - entirely accurate. still a little wordy.

so it's in your hands, my friends. you can either do this or not, you may work together as a group or show your independent spirit. keep in mind tyler and i are watching. he has gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate at the ready, just in case, so even if our back's are turned, trust me. we know.

what's that? you want to know if there is a prize at the end? glimpses and glimmers, perhaps?

sigh...

does it really have to be for the rewards?! what could i possibly give?

oh. one last thing. if any of you readers out there actually are named bob, i'm sorry that you found out about that nasty case of fadkog this way. if you need to talk, please reach out to us. you know you're among friends.

32 Comments:

Blogger Satan said...

I stand by my initial contribution.

Also, it stands for "Sealed With A Kiss", too, so there's that. Bitchin'.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 3:35:00 AM  
Blogger The Savage said...

Hey there, Hotstuff.... Alls I got is my personal nickname for ya... to which I aint sharin'

Thursday, April 12, 2007 5:41:00 AM  
Blogger Edtime Stories said...

wow, I didn't think it was that disturbing... I'll just use Diff.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 6:08:00 AM  
Blogger XI Summit said...

From the first time I heard about KAR I've wondered if, perhaps. Karol might be better than fadkog .... Just saying:

Karol - Kick Ass Rack On the Loose
Kick Ass Rack On Life
Kick Ass Rack Out Law
Kick Ass Rack Of Love

Or some variant. Just bungling out loud ...

(Yes, there's an ulterior motive here. There once was a Carol who wanted to be in my life but ahe was to subtle and I was too dumb to notice. And, um, around me she was a bit like your online self. That's all.)

Thursday, April 12, 2007 7:55:00 AM  
Blogger FTN said...

I'd like to warn you in advance that most of these suggestions are entirely inappropriate.


Rumpshaker
Judge McBigRack
Bigrack McTitties
The Little Vibrator Buddha
Sweet Caroline
BonerGirl
Princess Squirrel Cover
Goat Igarat (Goddess of All That is Good and Right and True and Perfect With This Amazing World We Call Ours Purely Because You and She and a Few Others Are Amused by the Fact That We Are In It)

or, my personal favorite for its simplicity,

Tricia Thongs

Thursday, April 12, 2007 8:31:00 AM  
Blogger April said...

I've got no good creative suggestions for ya (I'm just not good at that sorta stuff) but I do like SWIK.

So sorry for poor Bob. *sniff*

(Your title...my 6 year old and I sing that song all the time. Too much, to be quite honest. But he was singing it to the name of "Chuckie" the other day. Nothing quite like being in the middle of Wal-mart and hearing...Chuckie chuckie bo buckie banana fana fo FUCKie...)

Thursday, April 12, 2007 9:00:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

See, I never minded For a Different Kind of Girl, altho I sorta tend to drop the 'For a', and then just use the initials DKG. TLAs (Three-Letter-Acronyms) are just so simple, yaknow?

FADKOG sounds so, I don't know, 'rage-against-the-machine-ish', yaknow? (fad-cog, get it? 'machine', 'cog'?) (never mind. . .)

Thursday, April 12, 2007 11:02:00 AM  
Blogger Nanette said...

Hmmmm.....

aphrodite
athena
(or combine them to create either)
athrodite or aphrothena
Ms. Rowe
Ms. Taylor
(mon+amie=) monamie
MILK (mom i'd like to know--which is really the same as MILF, for all of your male lusters, biblically speaking)

OK, now I really need to take a nap....only 2 hours of school remain. :)

tlozbdp
obgmw

Thursday, April 12, 2007 12:30:00 PM  
Blogger Finished Last said...

I think Nanette was the original FADKOger , I know it wasn't me I'm just another lemming.

Ms. KAR

K-ass-andra

K- Rack

pamtq

Thursday, April 12, 2007 1:59:00 PM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

Nanette, I just gotta say that 'aphrothena' reminds me of the hair-spray the black kids used to use when I was in high school. . .

But, now - 'K-ass-andra' - I kinda like that. . . Or maybe 'Mama K-ass' (OK, maybe not)

And suddenly, I'm thinking of another Beatles song - 'Baby, You Can Drive My KAR' (sorry)

(really sorry)

Thursday, April 12, 2007 2:46:00 PM  
Blogger ArtfulDodger said...

Gosh, names are so personal. But since you asked I've got to take this seriously. Thing is it needs to be short and easy, otherwise why change it? And it needs to be memorable, else we'll all forget it. Hmmm. Let me engage the secret brain.

FreshMiss - I like it cause it's funny to say, makes my lips buzz.

KissMiss - when i think of you i always think lush lips, i don't know why.

GirlTwist - playful, which you are, but it also has a deeper meaning, and goodness knows that's appropriate. :)

AIRgirl - An Impressive Rack Girl. Although "air" might not be right. This is hard.

Swirl - Sweet Impressive Rack Lady. Sounds like someone that works at the grocery store.

Ok, i'll think about this some more and come back later.

Thursday, April 12, 2007 5:45:00 PM  
Blogger Satan said...

Sorry, at 3AM I can't distinguish between vowels. I still like the short but sweet "Swik". ;)

Thursday, April 12, 2007 6:33:00 PM  
Blogger Stacie said...

hmmmm I have to think on this. I have to agree with FADKOG sounding like a disease. My DH's name is Bob, he'll be happy to grow a kick ass rack, he'll sit around and fondle it all day long.
Stacie

Thursday, April 12, 2007 11:15:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

No matter what name you choose, I think I will go with how I know you. See, I pronounce it "da-kog" kind of like "da-bears".

Friday, April 13, 2007 7:42:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

I don't have any clever suggestions. You could use the name Audrey and then pretend Jack Bauer is madly in love with you.

Friday, April 13, 2007 8:59:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

um sweetie, your Jack Bauer obsession it getting a little out of hand. Is that why you are making me call you Audrey?????

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:01:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

That's it. I'm not talking to you anymore today! I can't believe you said that! Can't you respect your wife's privacy??

Sorry, FADKOG, for this awkward scene. My husband just had to go and make it all uncomfortable for everyone. We'll take our little domestic dispute back to our blogs, and leave your party in peace.

Although I should point out that everything RS said in his comment is entirely crap. Teri is Jack's first and truest love.

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:24:00 AM  
Blogger JUnderCovers said...

Well, you knew I'd be partial to Mrs. Hewson, but I'll follow whatever you choose. Of course "Jayna" would be good for me too. Your secret identity is safe with me.

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:29:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

YES! It IS awkward. Stop calling me Jack in bed. That will solve it.

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Therese in Heaven said...

Argh!!! You're like some giant unstoppable uninhibited child! I am begging you to QUIT TYPING!

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:51:00 AM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

I guess that means I win! *sly grin*

I apologize for my wife hijacking your blog, DA-KOG

Friday, April 13, 2007 10:57:00 AM  
Blogger Desmond Jones said...

OK - RS, Therese, the two of you just come with me (ushering them toward the door). The rest of you just carry on normally, now. . .

Friday, April 13, 2007 11:04:00 AM  
Anonymous you da mom! said...

how 'bout TITS? or better yet, you could steal the one my husband calls me. GIANTITS. seriously, is this our fate for the whole fabulous rack thing? c'mon!

Friday, April 13, 2007 12:37:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

I love these suggestions, but I find coupled with most of them is this call that I keep what I've been going with, allowing all of you to refer to me as you wish. This is hard for me not to pull out my trust Brian Johnson, culminating Breakfast Club quote right now...

satan - i have been charmed by 'swik' since you crowned me with it. i wasn't kidding when i said i used in in 'real life.' i sign checks with it. and let's just say 'sealed with itty-bitty kisses,' shall we. let's. because personally, I can't believe I just said 'itty-bitty'

savage - intriguing and mysterious. always good. especially since i don't even know this nickname you have for me...

ed - you may call me anything you wish, dear. i've obviously grown accustomed to 'diff'

xi - by "around you she was a lot like your online self" do you mean flighty and babbly, prone to unexplained outbursts and ragingly stunning? because if so, i'm sure she was an amazing girl!

ftn - sigh...

where to start. i went through your list, trying approach it with a discerning eye, but found it impossible. i freakin' *love* every one of these names. i asked tricia what she thought, too, but she was too busy wondering what she has to do to get you to think of her like someone you'd call 'little vibrator buddha.' we did a couple shots and i offered her some advice. but i stressed there could only be one princess squirrel cover and that is me.

april - i've not yet taught my boys this song for the very example you gave! why? because i recall as a child coming up with every name possible that would result in a "dirty word." and then pinching the tips of our tongues between two fingers and saying "trucker." ah...youth...

desmond - without a doubt, dkg works well. you are, kind sir, the acronym king. and i love, as always, how you come in here and then feel you must back out of the room quietly, pledging apologies!

nanette - as i have the who's 'athena' going thru my mind now, i can't begin to tell you how much i kinda dig 'milk'...

finished - heh...perhaps my various word variations should be my moniker!?

art - i quite like all your suggestions, and am intrigued by 'girltwist.' your creativity knows no bounds!

stacie - we'll have to keep track of bob's symptoms so we will be prepared for the inevitable medical journals wanting to write about 'fadkog.' truly, it sounds like ultimate disease to have, all things considered. especially if my quality rack appears! and now i've officiall gone too far with this reply...

rs - really? da-kog? hmmm...

therese - when i was a child, i had a doll i named audrey and swore that if i ever had a daughter, it would be her name. that was my aside. officially, let me just say i like to think kiefer/jack is mad for me anyway!

rs - there is no such thing as a jack bauer obsession. remember that. and as an aside, i don't think you actually won. men should know when we get to the point where we're begging to have something stopped, the battle was ours in hand to start with.

j - or should i say zan? how did i forget this idea?! oh, i remember, probably because i got caught up in the idea of bono referring to me as mrs. hewson and i needed to give myself a moment. and i appreciate your crypt keeping!

desmond - it's good to have a father of eight stop in every once in awhile to keep us in line (i'm talking to you, rs...heh...)

you da mom - i have never heard of giantits before. is it bad i kinda like it? it beats 'hooter girl' which i got a few times. well, most things beat 'hooter girl'

oh, ok, dammit, i knew i couldn't NOT inlude my brian johnson quote:

"you see us (me) as you want to see us (me)...in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions."

i feel better now. refer to me as you wish. do not, however, call me al. nor send me a link to that video.

i mean it. you both know who i'm talking to.

now i am off to rid myself of what is apparently my cousin itt hair...

Friday, April 13, 2007 1:30:00 PM  
Blogger Recovering Soul said...

Okay, I don't know what you are talking about, but you made me think of this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lm65Xp1SXDk

:( I got scolded! Twice!

Friday, April 13, 2007 5:13:00 PM  
Anonymous thereseinheaven said...

Geez, RS, I can't believe you got us in trouble. You're such a baby.

Friday, April 13, 2007 5:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Nocturnal said...

I definitely think you shouldn't change your name, however if you had to; how about "The Basement Diaries"

Friday, April 13, 2007 6:47:00 PM  
Blogger Chag said...

As someone who has actually emailed you requesting a name change, you know I'm all for this. But to me, fadkog always sounded like a slang term for a bandwagon-jumper or follower as in "Bob's listening to My Chemical Romance now. He's such a fadkog."

Screw it, I'm calling you Marla. You're the one who made the Tyler Durden reference.

But it could've been worse: you could've decided on Chag as a name. One of my many, many, many regrets...

Friday, April 13, 2007 7:23:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK, Al it is. Glad that was settled.

Saturday, April 14, 2007 10:56:00 AM  
Blogger Brooklyn Frank said...

indeed/

Saturday, April 14, 2007 2:31:00 PM  
Blogger LBP said...

When is the first recorded instance of "FADKOG" thought to have happened?

Saturday, April 14, 2007 4:04:00 PM  
Blogger for a different kind of girl said...

rs - i am charmed and amazed at your stunning ability to pull out some weird al and apply it accordingly!

therese - you're never in trouble with me around here. that husband of yours, on the other hand...

nocturnal - the song, as they say, remains the same. though i quite love your suggestion. fitting in many ways...

chag - so here i am, chuckling nicely at your thoughts on what 'fadkog' sounds like it means, and then i'm all "waaaaiitt a minute! i was just listening to my chemical romance on the way home tonight just before reading this!"

apparently i *am* a fadkog!

but i totally think you can call me marla! love that you picked up the tyler durden thing and went with it!

anonymous - and i shall call you 'an'

brooklyn frank - indeed, of course!

lbp - finished last was correct in assuming that nanette - my dear, sweet friend - was the first to use the 'fadkog' acronym. the first reported use was about a month after i started writing. and honestly, i'm of the opinion that nanette can call me anything her heart desires!

Monday, April 16, 2007 2:20:00 AM  

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